little white flag.

i give up

i give up i give up i give up

i am not over y...
i am too transparent with my thoughts.
the last time i heard your voice was on a phone.
two years ago.
you were speaking casually of your summer and
i was on the other end, silent, keeping my tears as
quiet and undercover as possible.
i missed you then.
i am too transparent with these things.

you know what?
i just wish you'd fight for it.
I WISH YOU WOULD FIGHT FOR ANYTHING.
you're so scared.

i am so tired of fighting for things.
and fighting against my own thoughts
and considering if i'd be the one to chase you.
and then remembering that it's quite possible
you haven't thought about me in months, years.
not really given any attention to the thought of me, anyway.

what a shame, what a damn shame it will be,
when i have to tell my husband about you,
and how i thought i loved you for so many years,
and how i waited and waited and waited,
and you never so much as said "hello",
or "goodbye" for that matter.

blithe and calm, cool and stable, one side says:
you're not even worth chasing. and that you owe me
more apologies than you'd ever know.
what's done is done.

deep and strong, intense with fervor, the other side begs:
that i couldn't fall for another. and it'd be the greatest story.
and that i owe apologies for things, too.
it would be the greatest story.

but that's just it. it can't be just me.
(and that's why i feel so stupid now.)


i saw a picture of you. you look more like a man.
these years look good on you.

i wonder what you've done, seen, heard, felt,
i wonder how you've changed.
i wonder if i know you at all anymore.
are you still confused?
are you still unsure of who you are?
i saw what you could be.
i loved that man most.
did that work out for you?