balls

i feel my pain full on
no numbing it.
i take it by the reins
confront it
let it scour its face at me
let it hurt me
let it be there.
i won't cower behind a drink
a puff of smoke
foggy dreams.
come on pain
do what it is you came here for
then carry on as i
carry on.
i heard what you said
but the fact stands
i will keep walking.

fifteen

hope tastes like chalk in my mouth
like greenery trying to root in dust.

sometimes money isn't worth my time.
sometimes friends are not friends at all.
sometimes, you cannot make what's wrong, right.
you carry on.

i hold to promises like i hold my breath
and i hardly believe in trust any longer.

quit stealing from me.

keep me at arms length until you realize what i'm worth.

isn't that the trend?

i'm fine either way.

i kind of have to be.

new

i always see liz when i'm in the wired scholar.
she always looks like she's working so hard
and i always look like i'm on facebook.

i slept in so long today because i didn't sleep much this weekend.
and i woke up and it just felt like i was new wine in old wineskin.

i want new everything.

i want to start a new journal
i want new lists of goals
i want to write new songs
write new poems
i want to take new photos
start a new leaf

not that the old leaf is bad.

it's just time.

i kind of have a 2-year max doing the same thing.
so, that makes me one semester overdue.

i love the sound of my shoes clipping
on brick walkways.

it sounds a lot older than i feel.

i love when leaves fall and i see it.
the trees are ridding for the winter stay and

it makes me feel younger than i am.

more home in this season
than any other
and it always seems to pass the fastest.

maybe that's why i love it most,
because i know how shortly it will be staying.
just a few perfect days.

autumn always makes me want to be a poet.