i just had the most beautiful dream i've ever had.

nap dreams are the best.

i dreamt that i was in a pub/restaurant and didn't have enough money
so i went outside on the stone sidewalk and did something for money, sang or did music or something
and came back inside with just enough to pay.
and i saw this handsome man i know, speaking and a circle was around him,
he was speaking about a girl and i sat behind him,
just wanting to listen.

and he looked at me and he said, "sam, i have one question for you"
i was smiling because i love him.
and he said "are you the kind of person with a lot of money, and you just don't know how to handle it?"
my countenance dropped.
"no." i said. "i'm the kind of person with no money, and i don't know how to handle it. i'm ashamed."

then we were on a school bus, a crowded school bus, and he sat in front of me in the front seat with our mutual friend, a handsome boy who was a little younger. everyone was talking, i was trying to listen to my friends, and we all noticed the incredible and dangerous increasing speed of the bus.

apparently part of the bus' normal route was to drive off of a ledge over some things and to land on the remaining part of the road, a little like the magic school bus. the driver took the wrong angle off of the ledge, and we were headed hurling into a warehouse or a jiffy lube or something else incredibly industrial looking.

while in the air there were screams and i grabbed for my handsome man-friend's hand, which he took and held tightly as if knowing we had little chance of survival. the bus driver was standing, screaming with joy, and appeared in all ways to be going insane. He had a gun.

we landed and things fell apart around me. i was trying to find his hand. i was hurt, but not dead. i was lying on my back and heard the bus driver screaming above me "if you try to run away for help i will shoot you dead!"
i heard people scurrying through the rubble and then shots.
i covered my eyes with my arm, realizing how vulnerable my whole body was, but i just didn't want to see him.
he was right over me, and was screaming at me, knowing i was alive and trapped, pointing his gun wildly.
i cannot express the intense, raw fear which came over me and strangled every muscle like a disease.
in my head i imagined he shot me in the stomach over and over again.

when i came to, i was fully dressed and in a stone courtyard. there was a dull gray haze of fog, and ivy clinging to the walls everywhere. i was at a funeral. a mourning. i saw the handsome boy and looked at him, my hopeful face inquiring of the handsome man's survival.
he simply shook his head no, eyes to the ground. i wept.

the boy took my hand and he lead my purposefully through the courtyard towards a wedding reception. fog, gray stone, mild air, green ivy. he had invitations in his other hand, which were small globes made of edible daisies. to enter the reception, we took the globes on our fingertips and ate.

entering was not the end goal, though. he walked straight to the bride and groom, her bouquet a large replica of the small daisy globe, but with sunflowers instead. it was heavy. she looked at us as if she knew that we were there to tell her something of great importance. the handsome boy led, with my hand still in his hand, and she followed me in her white wedding gown.

we were outside in the courtyard, the boy was walking slowly now with a bow and arrow in one hand, pointing to the ground.
"that is where he fell" , he said, pointing to stone. i was still weeping and pressed his hand to my heart, so he could feel it breaking beneath my chest.

we were decades from when the bus had crashed and somehow, the world we were in aged in appearance like it was going back in time. the boy was now wearing a tricorne.

he kept walking and leading us, the bride and me, through fields and ruins and fogs and greens. while he was discoursing, it came to me that he was the beginnings of a famous author, telling us his story that he was to write, using this place and time and travesty as inspiration. in my dream he was thomas wolfe.