how we move from a to b, it can't be up to me

how stupid was i?
i was young and i
had met him for the first time.

now i do not know him.
i can't help it,
i remember him fondly
even though it hurts.

how stupid was i
to not have captured
any of those moments
when he was mine
and he thought of me fondly, too?

i can scarcely remember
exactly what happened
but something happened
and he does not speak to me.
and i can't remember him well.

his face is a blurry image in my head
surrounded by strokes of green and blue,
blurry with infatuation and years time,
with excitement and disappointment.
they say time heals everything
but i still know this wound well.

how stupid was i
to tell him after so long?
so unabashedly, so strong.
how stupid am i
to continue on like this?
will it ever stop?